Ordinary Lass Blog

Writer. Thinker. Mum.

Category: Humour

First Day at Nursery

It’s the eve of the Full Day at Nursery. We’ve done the taster sessions with success. The first stay-and-play felt like a trip to playgroup as I watched Little Lass discover the new surroundings, her eyes lit up when she spotted the water table and dressing up boxes. As I asked her key worker some…
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Dear Little Lass: You’re turning Two!

Dear Little Lass, I’m writing this message on the eve of your second birthday. We had a party at home for you at the weekend, have a family meal planned for tomorrow night and you’ll have a playcentre party with mini people at our local play area on Thursday. You’re a very lucky lass to…
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Poorly Baby: Teething or Testing Us?

Why are they always more poorly at night? For days, our happy 9 month old baby has been coughing, spluttering and screaming. Poor little love; she’s got a runny nose and chesty cough, keeps tugging on her ear and crying. We’ve got stinging eyes and a dose of irritability syndrome (me & her dad that is).…
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New Mum: Random things I say to my baby!

You know you’re a mum (or dad) when you begin to say sentences which you’ve never uttered before. The funny thing is that they make perfect sense to you. Usually, the random phrases are in response to your child’s behaviour at any given moment. You use your calm, rational, authoritative voice. You mean business. You’re…
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New Mum: The Fear, The Responsibility & The Love!

I’m a Mum; I’ve joined The Club! I actually have a baby daughter and it feels weird and wonderful all at the same time. As it’s Mother’s Day weekend, I’m sure that Mini Lass (her Dad) is scanning the internet for a thoughtful gift as I write. I know that my 6 week old baby…
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3 Things my Mum has taught me…

I appreciate my Mum’s guidance, whether it is intentional or just a fluke. Knowing my Mum, she’s probably just been winging parenthood for the last 30 odd years. Reflecting on Mother’s Day, had me thinking about some of the things I have learned so far, albeit accidentally. Here goes… 1. The importance of accessorising… My…
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Pregnancy: Lady in Labour!

Inevitably, as a first time Mum-to-Be, I was becoming increasingly curious about labour. I wondered what our story would be. Specifically, how to know when it officially starts (apparently you just know. As it turns out, I did!), how long it’ll last (how long is a piece of string?) and what to expect (anything!). In an…
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Pregnancy: Uneventful Due Date

When your due date passes by without incident, it can be frustrating. Your phone alerts you to a constant stream of “any signs yet?” messages and well meaning “happy due date” texts. Yeh, because this baby knows she is going to evicted this very day and should depart my uterus accordingly and in a timely…
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Pregnancy: Attending Antenatal Class

“Forewarned is forearmed as they say!” As first time parents, we were weighing up the pros and cons of attending Antenatal Class. We figured we’d learn something new so thought why not? Prior Expectations Friends of ours had told us stories about the lady leading the class who walks round leaning on furniture in mock labour moaning “ooo” and “ahhhh” at…
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Maternity Leave: Countdown to Due Date

As people return to work after their New Year celebrations, I’m writing the next chapter of my life. Maternity Leave. When is the right time to finish work before having your baby? Like many pregnant working women today, I didn’t want to take too much time off before the birth, preferring to have longer with…
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Happy half-birthday to my Blog!

My commitment has been a surprise…even to me! Wow! 6 months of writing and I’m celebrating following this little passion of mine. Who would’ve thought? When I decided to write a blog, I had written my New Year’s resolutions in my new 2016 diary and to my utter disappointment, I’d noticed that they were exactly the…
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Eng-er-land! Euros 2016

It’s kicking off! Like it, loathe it or simply indifferent? As the hype reaches a crescendo, there’s no denying that Englishness (whatever form that takes) is everywhere. Here are 5 ways, in which we, the average Joes and Janes, seem to be exercising our Englishness as a nation: 1.Fanatical Facebooking Photos are being uploaded of…
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Engagements & Marriage: It’ll be you next!

We’re both in our thirties. We’ve been together 7 and 1/2 years. Neither of us has ever been married. Any wedding or engagement, that we are in close proximity to, automatically evokes the same response, “It’ll be you two next!”. But in response to well-meaning comments, I tend to nod, smile politely and shoot a…
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Modern Love: Surviving the Traffic Jam

Traffic jams are beasts. We’re stuck somewhere in the Midlands and the M42 is laughing at us. Loudly. We’re bumper to bumper. We’ve got the same songs on repeat. Accelerate, brake, drive, repeat. Lad’s new work car has either radio or iPod connections but absolutely no CD player. “It’s how all the newer models are…
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Saturday: I’m doing nowt!

How about today, I just post a photo of my ass on the settee doing bugger all? I’m a cricket widow today while the other half continues his boyhood hobby and aspires to be the next Alistair Cook. I’ve spent the morning with my two year old godson. We’ve been bonding – putting the body parts onto…
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What’s your excuse?

Excuses. Excuses. What kind of a writer doesn’t write? Me, it seems. Procrastination is a killer; it’s the reason that I’ve missed two weeks of blogs and have no real reason why. Don’t judge me, will you? Possible excuses for the absent blog: 1. My dog ate my blog Perfectly valid excuse, right? Except I…
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Girls Night Out!

It’s the end of a long week for us ladies. The four of us can almost taste the wine and cocktails. Pre-Drinking There’s a sense of optimism when we pile into our friend’s car and head into town. Excitedly, we are going to see the latest craze…Sing-a-long Dirty Dancing! Tickets were purchased with a need…
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Modern Love: The Battle

Ever had that argument where it all comes out? “I told you”. He fixes a stare. “You did not” my voice gets louder. My tone is increasingly condescending. I’m convinced he didn’t tell me. Leo’s are lions apparently, whereas I’m the Libra scales, so naturally, I want to hash out both sides. I want to…
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Modern Love: Couples Spa Day?

A treat day. We all want one. Time alone away from phones, work and other people. I’ve only ever been to a spa with ordinary women so it’s a change for me and Ordinary Lad to experience some R&R while we’ve got a few days off of work. There’s a sense of optimism in our…
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Spring Cleaning: Time to declutter?

The mornings are a little lighter and the daffodils are smiling on the commute to work. They signify a new beginning. It’s the traditional time to Spring Clean but it’s hard when you’re a hoarder isn’t it? I’m sentimental and I hold onto things in the name of nostalgia. An avid fan of “picture time”, I like to…
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Modern Love: A moan about mobile phones!

Are you tired of the time your other half spends on their phone? We live under the same roof. Me, on one settee and him on the other, with mobile phones in hand scanning the newsfeeds of anonymous faces. Without looking at one another, we fail to agree on a TV planner selection as the…
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The truth about us Fat Fighters

Biscuits are sly. On the surface they are the perfect accompaniment to a cuppa tea, for sharing at a meeting or to devour in one sitting. But they know how to get us. Covered in tempting milky chocolate, they softly whisper to us and slowly corrupt us. We are weak and they know it. I…
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Words of wisdom?

“It’ll be reight” are three little words voiced by many understanding northerners. Who knew their power? They can be uttered in response to almost any situation; they’re surprisingly uplifting! Dropped a full cuppa tea on your cream carpet? Ran out of toilet paper and had to shout down for the last piece of kitchen roll…
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