New Mum: The Fear, The Responsibility & The Love!

I’m a Mum; I’ve joined The Club! I actually have a baby daughter and it feels weird and wonderful all at the same time. As it’s Mother’s Day weekend, I’m sure that Mini Lass (her Dad) is scanning the internet for a thoughtful gift as I write. I know that my 6 week old baby will want to acknowledge my labour efforts and thank me wholeheartedly for carrying her around in my womb for 9 months. If it’s drinkable or edible then she (her Dad) can’t go far wrong. As I celebrate My First Mother’s Day, I’ve come to realise that being a Mum means that the following feelings come with the territory…

1. The Fear
I’m afraid of anyone or anything ever harming her. When she is so still and so quiet, I have to check that she’s actually breathing. And I’ve been known to poke her and nudge her to be sure. She is so fragile. Life is now so fragile. I’m certain, that despite my lack of physical fitness that I will readily karate chop and dropkick anyone who messes with her. The Fear is two-fold; it also comes in the form of self doubt and the possibility of parental failure. Will I be a good parent? What if I accidentally drop her? What if she doesn’t like me? What if she prefers her Dad?! Oh. God. I feel sick.

2. The Responsibility
I realise that I am now responsible for a little human being. Who on earth trusted me with this responsibility? I can’t even get anywhere on time. I’m always late. Not because I don’t care about being on time but because I’m an optimist and really believe I can get more done in a single day than maybe is realistic. It’s now even harder when Mini Lass doesn’t conform to my schedule of responsibilities and she expertly times her nappy changes or feeding times whenever we’re meant to be somewhere else. Because I’m responsible, I have to do what she wants; she doesn’t know that she’s messing with my plans. I’ll let her know my sacrifices when she’s old enough…

3. The Love
The Tsunami of emotion is overwhelming. In the midst of routine jobs, relentless feeds and nappy changes, her little smile can reduce me to tears (or it could be the effects of the sleepless nights??) Emotion fills every pore in moments which catch you off guard – and however tired/annoyed/switched off you’re feeling, you will get a rush of love and you’re once again delighted that you both made a decision to start ‘trying’ because she feels like a little miracle.

This Mother’s Day weekend we will be celebrating our first as a little family of three and I’m sure it will involve something (ok, lots of things) edible and drinkable…



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